If God is calling you, Do it. Now.
Two months ago, I though I had lots of time to waste. Lots of time for watching stupid, random, funny, YouTube videos. My plans, my schedule, my hair, my house, my project, my..my...my... My entertainment is key, I have time after-all. I calculated, my parents lived into their 80s, I'm in my 50s, in good health, live a healthy life, I drive slow, heck, I even eat organic...I have time.
The diagnosis of pancreatic cancer hit me "out of the blue". I felt pretty good, but I was told without treatment, I will most likely die (painfully) in three to six months time. With treatment, 6 months to two years is average. As I was at horseback riding therapy with Cole, and was watching my girls play together in the back of my van, I was told this over my cell phone with a fair connection. Shock.
Don't get me wrong, This is not a "Live life to it's fullest, spend time with your family, go for it speech". This is a "Why are we here?" question.
Jesus told his disciples John 12:25 The one who loves his life destroys it, and the one who hates his life in this world guards it for eternal life. "Hate your life"? That doesn't seem right. BUT, “People whose priorities are right have such an attitude of love for the things of God that all interest in the affairs of this life appear by comparison as hatred" (NET Bible notes).
I love my family fiercely. Do I love God so much more that it would compare as distantly as love is to hate? God is going to need to continue to work on me with that one, because I commonly find myself short-sighted and thick-headed.
I feel broken, completely exhausted, nauseous, in pain, with the mood swings of a 13 year old girl. God can use this??? Really? Yes, Even this, I know He has allowed this for a reason. What, I have no clue, but I am definitely in the same trustworthy hands I have been in for many years. After all, God doesn't waste stuff. Rom 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."
He has a plan to bring beauty from all of this nasty, messed up garbage and I am anxious to see how it all works for the glory of God.
Prayer and praises:
Praise God that I slept better last night than I have for at least a month!! (the last couple of days I have had fairly bad abdominal cramping issues) This morning, my fasting blood sugar was 85 (the first normal, fasting blood sugar I've had since this all happened) WITHOUT the help of short acting insulin. (I don't believe I'm posting this :), but my weight this morning was 149 (which is a couple of pounds heavier than yesterday) I believe this is due to being better hydrated this morning. I am praying that I am able to maintain my weight at 150.
Kirk and I will be traveling to Seattle today to talk to a team of pancreatic cancer specialists on Friday morning. I am not a confident traveler right now, since my GI system can be fairly fragile and I already have a tendency to get anxious at faster, highway speeds (this has been an issue for me since my last brain surgery 18 years ago).